TALK WITH THE ANIMALS

Luna Listens to the World

     My wordless walks with Luna in the woods fulfilled a fantasy I’d had since I was a little girl:  that of talking with the animals.  

      In second grade, my teacher was a nun named Sister John Bernard, one of the few nuns whose names we didn’t change.  The mean ones were given more appropriate appellations, such as Sister Concordia who became King Kong Cordia, or sister Mary Edgar, who became Sister Mary Eggbeater.  Sister John Bernard retained her name because she one of the kindest people I ever met.  She never raised her voice, ruling her class with love rather than fear, and she was adept at paying attention to the individual needs of every child, nurturing their skills rather than pushing them against their weakness. Through her eyes, our accomplishments were made bigger, while our faults were diminished.  

      In her class, I was inspired to write a Christmas play, and it was about the magic hour of midnight on the first Christmas Eve, when Lithuanian legend said even animals could speak in human tongue for just one hour.  Mary and Joseph arrived to a manger full of silent but wise and knowing animals, never realizing they had their own consciousness, which they could voice. 

     The smartest thing about the play, besides the dialogue which was pretty cool for a second grader, was that animals know things.  They’re conscious, and if only they could talk to us, they’d have a lot to say.   What I didn’t know at the time was that it’s humans who have the problem.  We impose human expectations on other animals, when the truth is we have to learn their language, rather than asking them to speak ours.  

     My interest in connection with animals was fostered in many ways.  The movie Ring of Bright Water, about a friendship between a family and otters, captivated me, and I longed for otters to play with.   And the movie, The Three Lives of Thomasina was even better, because it spoke to so many parts of my life, including my understanding that science and art have to work together to accomplish anything.  

    The movie features a little girl, Mary, whose mother is dead and whose father is a bitter, skeptical veterinarian. But through the death of Mary’s cat they both meet Mad Lori, a witchy kind of woman who seems able to talk with the animals.  Ultimately, both she and the veterinarian learn that their combined skills work much better than either alone.

     Now, really.  Does it get any better?   And the story includes Thomasina the cat deciding to forgo her revenge, which is not easy for a cat to do, but I won’t go into detail about that here, because cat vengeance is a different blog.      

       I wanted to be both Mad Lori and the veterinarian, learning how to talk with the animals in a soul sense, and understand them in a scientific way.  As a daughter of both science and art, this theme permeates my life, and it began in my mother’s kitchen, at the sink, because my father, a deer hunter, would always bring the deer heart to me.  

       He did this because he knew I was interested in anatomy, and so at the age of seven or eight I’d stand on a chair at the sink, the deer heart in a basin in front of me, and explore its various parts.  On the counter next to me would be the Encyclopedia Britannica which, for my younger audience, was an antique form of the internet.  I’d learn all the parts - aorta, ventricles, and so on, and name them in the actual heart.  I memorized them, touched the heart and named them, because, as I’ve said before, naming is big magic.

     And then, at a certain point, I stopped.  I closed the encyclopedia, stopped looking at the deer heart.  I did so because I suspected there was something I had to learn that no book could teach me.  That simply seeing the parts wouldn’t give me a complete understanding of the whole, and even as a child, I knew that mattered.

     Then, Luna came along, and I began to meld the two. 

      I’d already begun that with my cats, following them on their nightly walks, sitting with them under the moonlight and listening, simply listening, to the world, I began to get a sense of how their perception differed from mine.  But my only experience with cat research at that time was from a science teacher who used to experiment on them.  He’d cut their ears off and drop them out of high windows to see if they still landed on their feet.

     Brrrrr.  I wanted no part of that.  To me, it seemed like an extension of all the past wrongs we’ve done to cats, this time under the umbrella of science instead of Christianity.   

Luna Also Listens to Her Food

     But science has a lot to say about dogs, and I read all of it.  Then, as I walked with Luna in the woods, I experienced firsthand how in tune she was to me, how she watched me for direction, for connection. I was aware, in a very visceral way, of how her whole body listened, sniffed, and watched for environmental cues from me and from her world.   I was aware that my whole body, my entire energy, spoke to her more clearly than any words I could ever use, because dogs watch us.   

    They not only watch us, they also make us more visible to ourselves, because they often interpret and act on what we mean instead of what we say.  Then we have to become conscious of our own inner workings to straighten it out. You might say they’re the original psychologists, teaching us about our unconscious motives and drives.  Other times, they watch for the simpler things - food, affection, walks.   

    As Luna did this for me, I developed a deep sense of gratitude to her, and wanted to repay her in kind.  If she could understand me, it was only fair that I should learn to understand her.  And this, in many ways, completed my understanding of communication both within and between species.

     What matters isn’t so much the ability to talk, but a willingness to listen.

      Let me just return for a minute to how I opened this new blog.  I said that yes, really, I still believe love is the answer, even when I’m not sure what the questions are.  I meant that, and here’s more:  Love is, by definition, ready to extend its interests beyond the self.  In fact, I’d taken on dog ownership because I love my husband, because I went beyond my own limitations to listen to his needs.

     Love listens. That’s what it does.  It listens, watches, pays attention, then acts on what it’s learned.  

      That, I think, is why we see dogs as loving.  Because they do that. 

      And as a human animal, I knew I had to be willing to do the same.    

      If you want to know more about how I listen to love, you might like my novel, These Dreams, which looks at all that.   And a recipe to try in the meantime is below, all about listening to your food.   

           

Ricotta Fritters

   Really, any time you fry food, you have to listen and sniff as well as watch.  The oil will sing at  different pitches, and your nose is as good as your eye as you tend the proceedings.   So listen to this as you cook, get a sense of what pitch means what, what sniff means what.  It will help you understand your dog better.  

Ingredients

Oil for frying

Shhh.  Listen. 

¾ cup unbleached all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking powder
¼ tsp. salt
2 large eggs

1 cup whole milk ricotta cheese, drained in cheesecloth over a bowl overnight if wet

2 Tbsp. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1 -2 tbsp confectioners sugar and 1 tbsp cocoa for dusting

OPTIONAL, but I ALWAYS use it:  About a cup of tiny semi-sweet chocolate chips, added to the mix for an even more chocolately experience because you know the rule:  PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!

Method

Prepare paper towels and/or brown paper for draining your hot fritters and set aside.  Start preheating vegetable or canola oil in a large (14”) skillet.  By all means use a thermometer to test for the right heat, around 370 degrees, but also listen to the oil.  Get to know when it’s working, when it’s done working, when it’s furious. 

   As the oil preheats, stir together flour, baking powder, salt, in a mixing bowl and set aside, still listening.  Always listening because cooking is also about love.

 Break two eggs into another mixing bowl and beat them lightly, as if you’re having a good day and just want to dance.  Add the ricotta, sugar, and vanilla and combine until mixture is smooth and all in sync with each other.  Add the dry ingredients to this and fold in gently, gently, still listening to the oil, and very aware of the texture of what you’re mixing, careful not to mix too much.  Just all together is good.  

When the oil sings right and your thermometer concurs, use a small ice scream scoop or figure about 1 1/2 tablespoons and drop this into the skillet. Watch it cook until golden, listen carefully to the change in the oil’s song, and sniff to make sure you’re not burning anything as you go. Cook around six at a time, and DON’T CROWD THE PAN!  Each will take about 4 minutes to cook. 

Remove the finished fritters from the oil and sing back at them if you like.  Any song will do.  Transfer them to the paper to drain. When they’re still warm and cosy, sprinkle liberally with powdered sugar and cocoa.
 
Makes 16-24 fritters

HAPPY TRAILS

Luna: Pathfinder

      When I was growing up, though their were many dogs in our neighborhood, I never saw one of them walked on a leash.  Mostly they’d be let out in the morning, and called home at night.  

     There was Bongo, a laconic basset hound who waddled around the block twice a day by himself. There was Kasmir, our neighbor’s Afghan, the most exotic dog ever seen in our part of town, his long blonde coat the mirror image of his owner’s perfectly coiffed blonde hair.  He was sociable, and not very bright, and would leap in front of us to play, then immediately be distracted by something and run away.  

     The closest thing to a leash we ever saw belonged to a man named Joe Black, who lived half a block down, and who we were warned to stay away from. He sat on his front porch in what were either shorts or boxer underwear, his little dachshund tied to the railing. The rope went halfway up the block, and she would trot that far while Joe sat and muttered to himself.  After a while, he’d tug on the rope and rasp out, “Come on, sistah!”  Sistah would turn around and amble back.

     That was all I’d ever known of someone walking a dog.

     That’s just one reason why I continued to struggle with what should have been the simplest task – walking Luna on a leash. My attempts were marvels of inconsistency, as Luna would pull ahead, and I’d do the corrective jerk, then immediately apologize, because pulling on something around a creature’s neck horrified me.  

      “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry,” I’d say. “Did I hurt you?”

      She’d wag her tail, wait patiently until I started walking again, then rush forward, jerking my shoulder at its joint.  I’d correct her, apologize again, and we’d start over.     

     The discomfort and guilt I got from walking her on leash was similar to the reaction I had when I mowed our lawn, which was filled with crickets, leafhoppers, preying mantid and the occasional frog and snake that slithered up from the pond.  Hundreds of living things would rush out in the wake of my mowing, seeking refuge from what must be, to them, an apocalyptic storm.   

    “I’m sorry,”  I’d shout over the roar of the mower.  “Go over there.  Run away.”

   Once or twice I ran over frogs, which is as bad as you’re probably imagining. Like putting a frog in a blender without a top. This seemed especially wrong for someone like me, who patrols the road when mud turtles and salamanders are traveling, to make sure none get run over.        

     Leashes worried me as much as mowing, and too many times Luna and I came home from walks with my temper in a frazzle, and Luna looking confused as to what, exactly, she was supposed to do.  Her failure to learn was really all about my failure to teach, as is often the case with dogs.  I needed to find a better way. Though cats manage ambivalence with ease, it doesn’t suit dogs. They want clear directives, given consistently.  Without that they grow frightened and try for dominance. I was doing Luna no favors with my cycle of correction, apology, and irritation.

     I tried a variety of training methods.  If the dog pulls, stop walking.  When they sit, start walking again.  I’m sure it works with many dogs, but for Luna it was just a brief rest between pullings. I tried the method where you turn around and go in a different direction every time they pull, but apparently Luna liked going in small circles, and the neighbors were starting to stare at us.  I tried holding treats as we walked, which worked until she’d eaten the treat, at which time she’d forge ahead.

    The real problem wasn’t the methods.  It was me.  I just couldn’t mean it, and dogs know when you don’t mean it.  So how on this green earth could I learn to mean it? And even if I could, would it help? Beyond my neuroses, Luna was and is a high energy dog, and she needed to run faster than I could go. To solve that part of the problem, I began taking her off-leash beyond our land, into the wild.  

     That land, owned by our neighbor Bill, isn’t accessible by road, and no one goes there except during hunting season so we had it to ourselves. It was cow pasture in past generations, and has since grown into thick scrubland dotted with young trees, not the easiest to traverse.  But Luna could safely leap and run here, so we bushwacked on.

     One day, as I was disentangling myself from some buckthorn, Luna went into an alert stance, then took off after a bunny.  I knew she was safe, so I got myself detached without panic, then followed her.  After thrashing my way through more brush, I emerged onto an open trail.  

    Luna sat a few feet down from me, wagging her tail, looking like she’d led me here on purpose.  I gazed around. There was a broad trail cut ahead and behind us for some ways, and grassy meadows all around that lead to woods of tall, old growth pine trees. We were well off our property, but it wasn’t hunting season so we kept going.

   “Thanks, Luna,” I said, and I continued to walk the trail, Luna trotting at my side. 

    Meadows of tall grass and daisies, purple meadowsweet, goldenrod, grew all around the trail.  We followed it into the woods, thick with tall pines, finding even more treasures and pleasures.   A shallow stream flowed through the woods, and Luna splashed in it gleefully.  Further in, we found a six foot tall rock wall, which we later learned was built by farmers more than a hundred years ago. We took our time, and if Luna wanted to sniff to my left or right, or slightly behind or ahead that was fine because we were both safe, in our most natural element.  By the time we got home she was content, and I felt as if I’d discovered the promised land.

    And in a way, I had. I’d found a place where Luna can be Luna and I can be me.  In the woods, we could walk without stress, and we were both confident in my capacity to lead. She could run as fast as she wanted, using her legs as they were meant to be used, and I knew that if I called her, she’d come right back to me.  It was perfect.

    We went out again the next day, and the next and the next, both of us off leash, Luna behaving like a natural retriever, and me reliving my happiest times from childhood when I sought out mystery and adventures in the woods.  

    Our communication was wordless. I’d point where I was going, and she’d turn that way. If I changed direction, she’d follow, always aware of where I was and what I was doing.   

Luna:  Doofus

    Leashless, we were more deeply connected than we’d ever been. As if I was occupying my purely animal soul while I had the privilege of witnessing hers. And the connection extended from Luna to the land we walked on, as I began to understand it through her perception.  

    I wondered what it meant to be a dog who knows the world through scent.  Did smells create images in her mind, or just sensations of fear or pleasure? I’d know deer were close by when she pricked up her ears and stood at attention. If coyotes were around the night before she’d show raised hackles at her neck when she sniffed the air.  When the sun was good and warm, she’d stand with her head lifted while a ripple of pleasure ran across her sleek back, and I’d share her essential, unabridged joy. 

    I also learned that if she pawed at the ground I should go see what she’d found.  Often it was a bone or leftover bunny parts I didn’t want her to eat.  Once when she was pawing, sniffing, and looking a little baffled, I went over to her and saw she was staring at an unbroken egg.

    “Well, now,”  I said to her.  “That’s a new one.” 

    I picked it up, feeling the million tiny bumps on it, wondering how an egg got into the middle of an open field, with no house in sight.  Did someone drop it?  If so, why would anyone be carrying a single egg in the middle of a field? 

   Luna nuzzled me, waiting for me throw it so she could give chase.  She’d sniffed this prize from the matted grass.  Shouldn’t she get to play with it?

   “Sorry, Loons,” I muttered.  “Not this one.”

    Finally, it occurred to me that we have flocks of wild turkey all over the place. Turkeys, when they’re perturbed, will drop eggs at random. Strange that I hadn’t considered this first, as if humans were the only creatures who lived here.  We walked on, and I took the egg with me, a talisman of hope and trepidation.  Eggs are secret places, their bland surface holding the possibility of life, of food, of anything.

     Luna, I suppose, imagined its possibilities of either play or food, if dogs imagine.  Do dogs imagine, within or beyond their experience?  And could I actually imagine beyond my experience?  When I found the egg, it took me a while to remember things outside the human realm, like turkeys.

    But having gotten that far, I could go further yet, and imagine it as a magic thing, holding the spirit of the meadows and woods, a sleeping fairy I could wake by cracking the prize, seeds from a far away star that might wake human consciousness to a new level of love, or a new color, waiting to pour out into the world, or a new song, a lullaby for my restless nights.  

    As Luna and I stood on the trail, she sniffed and I contemplated, which may actually be exactly the same thing.  The long grass in the meadow was illuminated by a westering sun. The soft wind passing over it made a whispering of song.  Luna lifted her head and breathed it in. I also lifted my head, and if I heard a different song, that didn’t matter.  We knew who we were were, and where we were headed next.

     We were, both of us, hungry.  We were, both of us, going home.

     If you want to read more about my interactions with birds, visit SUNY Press to read about Eagle Mitch and Berkshire Bird Paradise.  And here's an unusual egg recipe to eat while you read.  

EGGS LUNA

Two eggs

This recipe calls for quail eggs.  If you can't find them, use really small eggs.  The smallest you can find.  But do search for quail eggs, because they're beautiful, and tiny.  I use them in lots of different ways, and this is just one of them.   

Slices of small loaves, preferably rye  (I use my homemade rye and blue cheese bread, a recipe I'll offer at a later date.)

Quail eggs or really small eggs

Slices of papaya

Slices of prosciutto

Alike in Dignity

How much of this you want to make depends entirely on who you're feeding.  I was just feeding myself, and my dogs, who sit one on either side of me at the breakfast table and wait for crusts, so I just made two.  Increase ingredients according to your needs, and feel free to use ham instead of prosciutto or melon instead of papaya because you know the rule:  PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!

Keep the papaya in the fridge, nicely chilled.  

Toast your bread slice.  

Put butter in a sauté pan and let it get brown.  Add the prosciutto slice and let it get crisp. 

Add the quail or small egg, and cook to your desired doneness.  (You can flip it, for sunny side down, but it won't be as pretty or as runny as Luna is.)

Place a slice of papaya on the bread.  Put the prosciutto on top.  Gently place the egg on the prosciutto, whispering prayers or spells for what might emerge in your life.

Sit with your dogs and enjoy.  Share the crusts, because they like that.  

VARIATION ON A THEME:

Because no two dogs or eggs are alike, I also did this with a slice of smoked salmon, covering the egg with dill and finely chopped scallion.  Also YUM!   

OFF LEASH LADIES

Luna: Off-Leash Girl

    Yeah.  That’s me.  An off-leash kind of girl. 

     Putting a collar on a creature and then tugging it to follow you was irksome to my very soul.  I mean, I’m a writer.  We follow errant images to the boundaries of the universe.  We work from midnight to 5 am, then sleep all day.  We go where we want to go, play how we want to play.  Leashes are the enemy, for ourselves, and for any living creature.

But now I had a dog, and somehow, I was supposed to make her follow me on-leash.

      Listen, here we are in March, National Women’s History Month, and the history of important women is all about those who wore no leash.  When Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back of the bus, she was off-leash.  When Marion Wallace Dunlop, a militant suffragette sentenced to be imprisoned for a month in Holloway for vandalism in July 1909, went on a hunger strike without consulting the other suffragette leaders, she was off-leash.  When my Grandma Campilli decided it was time to revisit her homeland, she was also off-leash.  When I decided to be a writer, to get divorced, to build a house, to get a dog, I was the same.

     So how could I make a dog follow me when I despised the leash, on both political and personal grounds?

     Okay, I know.  The leash allows you to take your dog to places they couldn’t go otherwise.  In that sense, it provides mobility and freedom.  But on a gut level, every time I put Luna on a leash and she tugged against it, my heart lurched.  It was a visceral reaction, and no matter how I tried to work against it, I was unsuccessful. No matter what I said, she read the truth, sensing my tension and resistance, because dogs don’t deal in words.  They see us beyond our masks, and respond accordingly.  

    What Luna did was pull, tug, and run away. She got the leash out of my hands and chased squirrels, leaves dancing in the wind, and people.  Especially, she chased people.

     Not to bite them, mind you, but to make friends.  Labs are highly sociable dogs, always interested in making friends. Not everyone appreciated this, nor do I blame them. Some people have a marked preference not to be jumped on. There were two women in particular – let’s call them Darlene and Madge -  whose regular walks past our house were interrupted by Luna’s antics.  

     At the first hint of their approach, Luna would get the leash out of my grasp and race across the yard at high speed, then fling herself at them indiscriminately.  I would chase after her, growling “Leave it! Leave it!” as meaningfully as I could.

    Darlene and Madge would stand there, saying things like  “Shouldn’t you control her better?”

    Luna would bend into the play bow, and leap happily at Madge, tongue lolling.   

    For the next few minutes the women would stand there watching, occasionally commenting, while Luna and I ran circles around them.  If they walked on, she’d follow them.  If they stood still, she’d cavort.  When I lunged for her, she’d dodge out of reach and cavort some more. Only one of us seemed to be enjoying ourselves.

    The match usually ended with me flinging myself on Luna, both of us sliding against tar and going home with road burn. Then, inevitably, she’d escape my grasp and I’d go chasing her down the road.    

    If I was rational, I would have realized that if someone is running toward you growling out angry words, your natural response would be to run away.  But I wasn’t rational.  I was angry.  Luna was embarrassing me, her misbehavior a reflection of my inadequacy. The emotional complexity of the situation eluded her, and she continued to elude me.  The ladies offered advise. 

    “You should get a trainer,”  Darlene suggested.

    “I’m her trainer,”  I answered, and if I sounded like I was growling, I’m sure it was only because I was out of breath.

   “Oh.  Really?”  Madge asked.

    Her tone was exactly the same as Sister Margaret Paul, my fourth grade teacher, an imperiously tall and thin woman who always kept her chin raised high.  Her response to bad behavior was to look down her nose at the offending party and say,  “That was neither nice nor necessary.” Using only her superior demeanor to make her students feel like a small toads, she kept a roomful of fourth graders in line.  But none of us felt very good about ourselves.

    Nor did I feel very good about myself now.  “I’m new at this,”  I apologized as Luna leapt at them and I blocked,  “I’ll get the hang of it.”
   “Teach her to come when you call her,”  Madge suggested.

   “Yeah.  I’ll do that,”  I answered, hoping I didn’t sound as sarcastic as I felt.

    I made a quick dart and almost got Luna’s collar, missed, slipped, and ended up on my knees in the road.  Between the fall and the unspoken criticism which felt like an old and familiar presence, I was furious.  I may have barked. Luna tucked her tail down and ran into a neighbor’s shrubbery. 

    Paying no attention to either the women or any trespassing issues, I crashed in after her.  “Luna!” I screeched.  “Get over here.  Now!”

    She ran further into the shrubs, and I got tangled up in something sharp, cursing louder as thorns tore at my arms and hands. Then I heard scuffling in the brush and Luna reappeared, a few yards away.  Her tail was down, and her expression fearful.  Seeing it, I suddenly hated myself. 

    Because of my father’s occasional temper tantrums, I’d grown up fearful of anger, and yet I had my own temper, inherited I suppose from seeing that his tantrums worked.  At least, they got my mother’s attention, and made us get quiet. But now, Luna’s expression was a reflection of the fear I’d felt as a little girl when my father got angry. I never wanted to make any creature feel that way.   

    I stopped fighting the thorns, disentangled myself, and walked away. Miraculously, when I did that, Luna followed me.  As we cleared the shrubs, I had a new idea.      

    “Luna,”  I called, making my voice sound excited. “Here, Luna.  Let’s run, Luna!”

    She paused. I waved at her, then turned and ran fast down the road. Luna wagged her tail and gallumphed after me. I ran down the road past our house, back up toward our house, down our driveway and into the yard. Luna, deciding this was a pretty cool game, followed all the way.    

    I gamboled about the yard for a while, not caring if Madge and Darlene were still watching.  When I was out of breath, I sat down and Luna charged over to lick my face.  

Luna's friend Bruce: Also Off Leash

   “Good Luna,”  I said.  “Good girl.  Very good girl.”
   From then on, when Luna ran away, so did I.  And she followed me.  

    In this, I’d discovered a new essential truth about dogs:  If you chase them, they run away.   If you run away, they chase you.  And you can use that to train them. More importantly, I learned in the most visceral and immediate way that anger isn’t authority.  In fact, it’s the absence of authority, a signal that you’ve lost control.  

    From then on, I also decided that since the leash inspired only tension and irritation in me, I’d focus on off-leash training - teaching Luna to follow me without a physical tether.  That’s not something I necessarily advise to other dog owners, especially if you live in the city, but despite the current trend to ‘standardize‘ learning in all realms, I’ve found that following the unique needs of each learner, in each situation, is the best education possible.  For Luna, in my world, I had to go off-leash from the training manuals, and follow my intuition.

     I worked with her on a daily basis, mostly using games.  I’d run around the yard and have her chase me, then drop and tell her “stop.”  I’d hold a frisbee up and ask her to stay while I walked away, then held the frisbee up and had her wait until I said “Now!” to leap for it. I increased the ‘stay’ time by ten second increments, until she’d willingly sit up to two minutes until she made her run for it. I worked with the ‘leave it‘ command, and recall commands, and more, all off-leash.    

    I did this for maybe ten or twenty minutes on a daily basis for about a week. The next time Darlene and Madge went by, Luna raced straight to the end of the driveway, and then she hesitated, looking back to me.   

    “Here, Luna,” I told her.  And she came back.  

     I’m not sure which one of us was more pleased.  She was wagging her tail so hard her feet were lifting from the ground, as if she knew she’d gotten it right.  I was grinning from ear to ear, feeling as triumphant as I ever had in my life.   We had learned each other’s language in a new way, and I was feeling the joy of being a truly calm and authoritative pack leader.  I leaned down and gave her a good hug.  She lapped at my face, snorting with glee.

      That was good not just for purposes of training a dog, but also for my soul, showing me through experience the essential difference between leading and domination, between authority and anger, and reminding me how good it felt to claim my rightful authority with clarity rather than rage. 

     Dogs, it seemed, have a lot more to teach us than I’d originally suspected. This interaction had straightened out a lot of old paradigms about the difference between authority and anger, reminding me once more how good it felt to claim my rightful authority with clarity rather than rage.  

     And she had more to teach me.  Much more.  Soon, our training would lead me back to the best places of my childhood, and the even better places I occupy now.   

    My favorite off-leash character is Jaguar Addams.  I mean, really off leash.  You can read all about her adventures at  Wildside Books.  And here's an off-leash pasta to eat while you read.  

Pasta Puttanesca

  If you know any Italian, you'll recognize this word.  It's the pasta that prostitutes made, either  because it was quick and easy, or because the aroma enticed customers their way.  If you want, you can make your own pasta for it, or use a nice fresh papardelle that you buy.  And do feel free to shift the ingredients.  If you prefer a different kind of olive, or want to use fresh artichokes, or like anchovies or oregano, go off-leash with it because you know the rule:  PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!

Big Yum

1 28 oz can crushed or diced tomatoes.

1 15 oz can black olives

1 15 oz can or package frozen artichokes

8 oz.  cremini mushrooms

3 cloves garlic

¼ cup fresh basil, chopped

¼ cup extra virgin olive oil

½ cup Locatelli Pecorino Romano, grated.

I use an iron skillet, but a good heavy pot will also do.  Put your burner on high, get the pot hot, then add the oil.   

When it's sizzling, throw in the mushrooms, a little at a time so they cook rather than steam.  Add the olives, let them sizzle about while you sing "I am the sunshine of my life," then toss in the artichokes, and the tomatoes.  Let it all simmer for a rosary, or the amount of time you want your dog to learn how to 'stay.'  Turn the heat down to medium/low.  Add the basil, and let it simmer more. 

Taste it, because the heat and time will create the flavor.  When it's begun to become really fine, add the grated cheese.  Taste and see if there's anything else you want in it.  

You can let it simmer more while you get the water hot for your pasta and cook it.  When it's ready, mingle pasta and sauce.  Let it sit.  Stay.  Sit.  Stay.  Add more herbs or cheese if you want.  Serve it when you're ready. It will wait for you.  

PACK LEADER

Luna Loves Snow. Sigh.

     It’s March, though you wouldn’t know it from looking at all the snow in my yard, or the weather reports that say Washington DC is getting hammered.  Still, it is March, I tell myself hopefully.  Spring will be here.  And in the meantime, March is National Women’s month, a good time to reflect on what it means to be a female pack leader.  

      Author Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, “She who cannot howl will never find her pack.”  Luna, a skilled howler, had found her pack.  Now I had to become her Pack Leader.   

    To do so I referred to some of my personal and political female heroes. Gloria Steinem spoke the truth when we needed to hear it.  Maya Angelou did the same, but did so poetically.  My Grandma Campilli, who bobbed her hair and marched with the suffragettes, was very clear about what she would and would not do, always.  No dogs in her kitchen.  When she wanted to go back to Italy for a visit, alone, in spite of the furor this raised with the rest of her family, she packed her bags and went. 

    All this told me that what I needed most with my dog training, with my pack leadership, was to establish a very clear yes, and a very clear no.      

   I also needed some specific skills, some education.  I’d never done doggie training before, and my learning curve was pretty steep.  However, I was raised by folks who believed education was the answer, and I bought that package.  So, armed with a pile of books, and newly addicted to any doggie training TV show I could find, I went at it with gusto.

     Cesar Milan’s book Cesar’s Way was very helpful.  It also made a great chew toy, bears the mark of Luna’s teeth. From the beginning, she liked chewing on my stuff best.  My shoes, my books, my socks. But I counted myself lucky because my sister’s puppy ate her Victoria’s Secret thong underwear.  She took him to the vet, where he was given an emetic to make him throw them back up.  When the procedure was done the vet presented her with the thong, asking,“You want these back?” She didn’t.

     At any rate, I continued to read. The Monks of New Skete confirmed that my practice of making up songs for my animals and singing them was a good thing.  They do that, too. (Recently, I learned that dog brains have an area similar to humans, which responds to the nature of our vocalizations, and can easily distinguish happy from sad or angry or fearful.)  Stanley Coren’s The Intelligence of Dogs, taught me that Luna’s ‘yip-yip howl’ which disturbed me so much is a cry that means, “I’m lonely. I’m abandoned. Where’s my pack?”  Knowing that helped me understand why, with my own abandonment issues, I reacted so strongly.  I wasn’t crazy.  Just overly empathetic.

    My reading also taught me some fundamental principles of dealing with doggie mind.  Be the pack leader and walk in front. When the puppy chews on something, don’t spank the puppy, spank the chewed item – in the puppy’s presence.  They’ll learn the thing itself is bad, and they should stay away from it.  I had a moment of triumph when I spanked my books and watched her back away from chewing on them. 

Luna Teaches How to Lead

     Most important to me in those early days was establishing healthy boundaries. As a good daughter of Italian women, I had a fundamental conflict about that, feeling I ‘should’ be available to meet all needs of all creatures at all times, and also really wanting my own space.  I don’t think I’m unique in this.  Women often believe it’s their job to care for everyone else.  Boundaries seems so, well, wrong somehow.  Maybe sinful if you’re Catholic, unempathetic if you’re a social worker.  Maybe impolite if you’re Episcopalian.

     I knew the only way to establish good boundaries with Luna was to be clear with myself about my own.  And the two I felt most strongly about were ‘don’t hurt the cat,’ and ‘stay out of my kitchen.’

     The issue with the cat turned out to be very easy.  I held Photon while I was walking Luna, and had Luna walk behind us.  I also put Photon in front of Luna’s food first when I fed her, and let him sniff it, decide if he wanted any.  I only had to do this a few times before they reconciled for good. Though Photon still felt a responsibility to make sure the dog stayed in line, he also began to groom her on a regular basis, because dogs aren’t as good at that as cats are.   

     The kitchen was trickier, because our house is designed for open space, with no doors between living room, dining area, and kitchen.  But when I cook, which is often, I’m very focused, and I use all available space.  I foresaw disaster if a puppy was  scampering under my feet when I danced between stove and sink with boiling water. 

     I thought about getting a gate to put between the end cupboard of the kitchen and the wall on the other side, but I’d either have to open and close it, or leap over it, when I went to the dining area.  Again, potential disaster.  

    Then I remembered a story my friend, Sue Derda, told me about setting room boundaries with her dogs.  She put a smallscreen across the area where she didn’t want them, and if they tried to leap over it, she’d slap it against the floor, making enough noise that they backed off.  I used a broom, resting it across the opening between the counter and the adjacent wall. When Luna approached it, I said “He-ey,’ in a low, displeased voice and clatter the broom on the floor a little.  To my surprise, she’d stop and sit.  When she did, she got a treat.

     This worked great, I think ecause, as Cesar Milan would say, my energy was good.  I wasn’t angry or upset.  I was just letting her know this was my space, not hers.  Also letting her know rewards accrued for honoring it.   

   Steve, on the other hand, had no inherent interest in keeping Luna out of the kitchen, and she would gleefully follow him over the broom, sensing his permission to enter the Foodiverse.  That created confusion and conflict, marital and puppy, so I tried a new tactic.

    I placed a two by four on its narrow edge in the same space. I could step over it easily, but if Luna tried it would fall over with a clatter, which made her step back and gave me time to re-establish the boundary. It was also just high enough to train Steve, readjusting his energy as well.  Within a few days I placed the board flat on the ground.  She could easily trot over it without noise or fuss, but she never did, not even to follow Steve.  Both had learned that I ruled the Foodiverse.   

    Now Luna could be in my company without aggravating the hell out of me, and she learned that calm behavior was valuable, earning her treats and affection, an important thing for a high energy, excitable lab. It also taught me that I could establish boundaries without harm.  In fact, I could establish boundaries that served everyone’s interest.  

     That was a lesson for my entire life, making it easier for me to stay with my boundaries in other situations without defensiveness or guilt.  I refer to it more frequently than I ever imagined I would, so that when a student or an editor, a husband or family member, seems to be metaphorically underfoot in my kitchen, I can use the emotional and intellectual equivalent of a small board to set better boundaries for us all.

    Now, let’s get back to Women’s History Month.  

    There’s two ways I learned about being a female leader.  One is from the women who modeled it for me - Gloria Steinem and Maya Angelou.  Also women like Malala Yousafzai, who defied the Taliban because she believed women should be educated, was shot for it, and survived to continue her battle.  And women like  Wangari Maathai, who won the Nobel Prize for planting trees in Africa, in a big way.  Also, fictional women like Scheherezade, who married a king to stop him from killing other women.  

     The persistent idealism of such women, their continued willingness to put themselves on the line for what they believed, informs all my decisions, from how I write and teach, to saving eagles, and determining how my own issues won’t stand in the way of moving forward.  I suggest that this is a fine month for you to name the women who have taught you how to do the same.   

      But then, unexpectedly, it was another female, this time a small black labrador retriever, who gave me the opportunity for personal practice in acting the part of pack leader, and getting comfortable with what it feels like in its best aspect.

     Luna, continuing in her own work, was leading me by teaching me how to lead her.  

     Go figure.

      If you want to read about one of my favorite strong female characters, check out Jaguar Addams, who will make you face your fears and get over them.  And here’s a sustaining recipe to strengthen the Pack Leader in you.  

OUR OWN RIBS

   In case you didn’t notice, in Genesis, the first time humans are created, there’s no rib involved.  It says specifically that humans were created together from, well, mud, earthlings of the earth, male and female.  Then, for reasons scholars will explicate endlessly, humans were created all over again, and that whole rib story happened.   So for National Women’s Month, here’s a rib recipe, to remind us that all our parts are, from the very earliest beginning, our own.

  This is my version.  You can change up spices and herbs or quantities because you know the rule:  PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!  

About a pound of pork baby back ribs

About a cup of brown sugar

2 tablespoons kosher salt

1 tablespoon ancho chili powder

Claim the Rib

1 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning

2 teaspoons garlic powder

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

2 teaspoon sweet paprika

1 teaspoon black pepper

Glaze

drippings from ribs

about 2 tablespoons worcestershire sauce

1 tablespoon maple syrup or honey

2 tablespoons cider vinegar

(If you prefer,you can use your favorite brand of barbecue sauce, and mix about a quarter cup of it in with about half a cup of rib drippings)

NOTE:  Do the first bit at night, before you go to sleep. 

Mix your dry ingredients all together.   

Put the ribs on a baking tray (one with sides) and  rub your dry ingredients on them.  Coat them thoroughly, really patting and rubbing until the ribs go ‘aaaah.  that’s nice.” You might have some rub left over, and you can store that in the fridge for the next time you crave ribs.  

Cover the tray with aluminum foil and put it in the fridge.  The ribs will settle down to sleep right away, and so should you.  Dream about the most powerful women you know, all night long.

The next day, take the ribs out of the fridge and let them wake up slowly, coming up to temperature.  Go about your business.  They don’t need you for this.   

In about an hour you can set your oven on very low heat - about 250 degrees - and put the ribs in.  They’ll stay in for about 2  1/2 hours.  Continue going about your day.  Use at least five minutes to honor a woman who taught you about leadership.   

Take the ribs out of the oven and pour about a half a cup of rib drippings through a strainer into a small pot.  Add your other wet ingredients or your bottled barbecue sauce and simmer until it’s a thick syrup consistency.    

Brush this glaze onto the ribs and then you can either grill them until the glaze caramelizes to your liking (or licking), or broil them for a few minutes on each side until you’ve got just the right balance between brown and crunchy and soft and smooth.  Remember, these ribs are yours.    

NAME THAT DOG

My name is Luna, and I'm shiny

      When I brought the puppy home, knowing this time it was for keeps, the next task was to discover her name.   

        Finding an animal’s name is tricky, but crucial. Humans mediate experience with language, so our capacity to name anything - our fears, our needs, our joys - helps establish the reality we live with. That’s true of the animals we share our lives with as well.  I learned this from my son, Matthew, when he was seven years old and we got our first cat.  

    I was four years divorced from his father and in graduate school at the time, living in a big apartment with two other grad students, who loved Matthew and were amenable to a cat, so off we went to the shelter to pick one out.  My oldest sister, Marita, also wanted a kitten for her four year old daughter, so she came with.  And that’s where the trouble started.  

   I took Matthew in the rooms where cats and kittens were clustered in crates and we looked them over as my sister and her daughter checked out their own possible picks.  Matthew honed in a group of seven tabbies who were tumbling around in their crate.  One of them pushed its way to the front and meowed relentlessly, waving tiny paws at him.

   “That one,”  he said.   

   “Seems a little high energy,” I noted.

    “That one,” he repeated.  

Still Luna, after all these years

    Okay then. I went up front to take care of the paperwork while Matthew stood guard over his kitten.  I stopped to let my sister know, and learned she’d been told she couldn’t get a kitten because her daughter was too young.  She was generous in defeat, so she stuffed some money in my hand for the fees, knowing what it’s like to be an underpaid grad student teaching assistant.  

    The woman behind the desk was short and square, with gray hair cropped military style.  When I told her we’d chosen a kitten, she fixed me with a steely eye and said,  “I know what you’re doing.”
    “Yes,”  I said hesitantly.  “I’m adopting a kitten.”

   “No you’re not.  You’re getting one for her.”  She pointed at my sister.  “I saw her give you money for it.”

     I laughed and explained about being a grad student and everything, but she was unconvinced.   She went into a tirade about People Like Me, and how she’d make sure I never got a shelter kitten again and so on. I began to understand that she meant to deprive my son of his kitten, and I bristled.  

    “My son wants a kitten, and I’m not leaving here without one,” I told her.

    She said no. I said yes.  We got loud.  My gestures grew increasingly Italian.  We got louder.  People started looking at us, and I drew them to my cause.  “Do you see what she’s doing?  Do you see?” I shouted at them, at her.   

     My son heard the noise and suddenly appeared in the room, took one look at the scene, and burst into tears.  

    After that, I got really Italian, waving my arms and shouting  “Look what she’s doing to my son!”

    While I kept shouting, the woman picked up the phone and made a call.  I thought she was getting the police, and I was ready for them, but as it turned out, she was calling the Board President.  She spoke briefly, tersely, then shoved the phone in my direction.

    “Board President,” she said.  “Wants to talk to you.”  

     I explained the situation to him, and he came back with soothing, presidential noises about how they had to be very careful, they’d had problems in the past, and they couldn’t afford bad publicity. 

   “You want bad publicity?”  I spit back.  “I’m a writer.”

    He was quiet for a moment, then asked to speak to the steely eyed woman again.

    She listened for a while.  When she hung up, she didn’t speak.  Looking grim, she just gave me the paperwork to fill out.   

    I was magnanimous in victory.  Not once did I say Nyah Nyah.  Not even when we left with the kitten.

     On the way home in the car Matthew was recovering quickly as he played with his new friend.

   “Well,”  I said.  “After all that, maybe we should name this cat Trouble.”

    He looked at me with all the profound wisdom of his age.  “Oh, no, Mommy,”  he said.  “If we name her that, she’ll always see herself that way.”

    Naming creates the parameters of the reality we see for ourselves, and impose on others. Matthew told me we’d call this kitten Frisky, because she was all that.  

    But as cats will, a few weeks later she revealed another name, the one about how she saw herself.  At that time, a friend who was staying over with us left in the middle of the night.  She put a note on the kitchen table saying she couldn’t sleep because Frisky wouldn’t stop dancing on her face.  

    “Did you know,”  she wrote,  “in the middle of the night your Frisky kitty turns into The Psychokitty?”

     She became Frisky the Psychokitty, shortened to Psychokitty and sometimes to Psycho.  And always saw herself that way. 

      Naming the puppy turned out to be easier.  She was shiny black, a night sky dog, and she’d already taught me a mystery or two.  I told Steve, “Her name is Luna.  That’ll be nice to say when I’m training her.”

    “You’re training her?” he asked.

    “You bet,” I said.  “She’s my dog now.  And I’m her human.”

     And training, oh fine people, is what comes next.

   You can find out about my odd adventures with an Eagle named Mitch in my nonfiction book,  Saving Eagle Mitch, available at SUNY Press and on Amazon.  And here’s some food that’s all about the name.  

      

CHEPAITIS ON RYE

People often struggle to say my last name, though really it’s easy.  It rhymes with arthritis, and hepatitis and most inflammatory diseases.  However, someone suggested that I should name a sandwich after myself, to get everyone used to it.  So here it is.  This is for one sandwich.  If you’re making more, you do the math.  

2 slices rye bread 

5 or 6 slices of thinly sliced ham  from the deli

What's in this name?

2 bread-sized slices smoked gouda 

About half a tart apple,  peeled and sliced thin. 

4 thin slices off an onion

Some butter

Mayo and Horseradish, or a nice cranberry honey mustard, as you choose

Put a little butter in a hot skillet and when it’s frothy add the ham.  Let it get just nicely browned a little, then remove it to a plate.  Put the onion and sliced apple into the butter and let it get a tad browned, but not too soft.  Also remove this to a plate.  

Get two slices of rye bread  (I prefer seedless, but you can do as you like.)  and slather your  mayo and horseradish or nice cranberry honey mustard on each slice.  Be generous, now.  No point in holding back.  I never do.  

Place some of the gouda on one slice, and some on the other.  Put the ham, onion and apple on one slice. If you want some crunch, add some slices of uncooked apple because you know the rule:  PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!

Smash the two slices together.  Add a little more butter to the still hot skillet, and press the sandwich down onto it.  Let it brown nicely on one side, and then the other.

There you go.  A Chepaitis on Rye.

TITANIC MOMENTS

Luna Looks for Lifeboats

    To start, I want you to think about the Titanic, because every marriage, every relationship of any depth, has at least one Titanic moment.  You know what I mean.  That moment when it looks like the ship is going down, and you have to figure out if you can still find a lifeboat, if you’ll be getting on it alone, if you’ll stay and go down with the ship, together or apart, if you can save each other or if you’ll end up in the freezing waters.  

     One reason I married Steve was his reaction to Cameron’s movie, The Titanic, which we saw when we were dating.  As the ship went down, Steve make a ‘tsk’ sound and gestured impatiently toward the screen.  “Look at all that wood.  I’d have gotten us to a boat alive.”

   Knowing that about him, and considering other parts of the movie, is what shifted my thinking about the puppy.  Here’s how it went.

     Immediately after Steve brought her back to Bill, with the triggers and cues of past pain gone, I regained my equilibrium.  The next day, while my husband was at work, I got the baggage out and unpacked it for real.  

     I thought of my mother, who didn’t protect me because with five children, she was often tired and overwhelmed.  As the baby of the family, my solution was to diminish my own needs, but then I’d be overwhelmed by what was happening to me, and my own need for someone to take care of me, and collapse into an emotional maelstrom. The puppy’s demands, and her gleeful, unrestricted romping, shoved me back into both grief and anger at what I had to deal with, and longing for what I wanted and didn’t get.  Basically, I wanted to be safe to play, just like any child.  The loss of that simple gift is much larger than many people suspect.  While cats are the best at teaching us about personal space and pleasure, Dogs express joy like no other animal, in a total absence of fear or guilt. something I’d never had, and I’d wanted it desperately.   

     None of this was reasoned or articulate.  I was puppy-like myself, just reacting.  Once all that was named, I understood the puppy had given me a great gift, providing the means to unearth old feelings, name and perhaps heal them. Within a day, I also suspected she had more to teach me.          

      My own immediate needs met in a whole new way by someone I loved, I could turn my attention to Steve, who was clearly cut up by the loss of the puppy.  His misery was written in his body, his face, his energy.  Standing outside my own difficulties for the first time, I could perceive his.  It occurred to me that if the puppy resurrected my old emotions, she’d been doing the same thing to Steve. 

     He was the oldest of three boys, and throughout his childhood and adolescence he’d had to cope with his mother’s various illnesses, some of which were life-threatening.  His youngest brother was born when Steve was fourteen, and his mother got seriously sick right after that.  His father had to care for her, and Steve had to deal with both the fears and insecurities of a sick parent, and the care of an infant. 

     As an adult, he’d decided not to have children of his own, but also remained adamant about all children and animals needing our protection.  Both were drawn to him, instinctively seeing him as a source of safety.

    I’d seen this happen. When we’d gone to a petting zoo, though I had the bottle and the food, the animals flocked to him, all of them crowding around as if he was the ultimate source of sustenance. They just wanted to be near him. I felt the same way. 

     Now, don’t get me wrong.  He can be a real pain - stubborn, quirky, overly responsible, a typical first born son, totally unable to be anything other than who he is.  But he exudes honesty and integrity. He’s inherently trustworthy, and that’s more sexy than most men realize.  Having a puppy let him use his caretaking instincts, and gave him permission to play at the same time.  Nothing else in his life did that in the same way.  The puppy’s absence took that from him, and his grief was as deep as mine had been at having her here, though he didn’t give it voice.

    In fact, he hardly said a word.  Once or twice I asked him tentatively if there was anything I could do.  He said no.  I apologized as much as I dared, not wanting to say too much for fear he’d tend my emotions instead of his own, but his only response was that he loved me more than a pet, and it wasn’t my fault.   

    Re-enter the Titanic.  A different part of the story.  

     Let me just say that though I  loved the movie, it seemed clear to me that if Rose had gotten on one of the lifeboats, Jack would have been able to save himself.  He was resourceful, a survivor, and he only ended up in the water because he gave up his place on the plank of wood to her.  Why did she let him do that?  Why didn’t she insist that he get on it with her, somehow, someway, just as he insisted she stay alive?  That always bugged me.

     Now, I had to ask myself if I was willing to let Steve save me, without saving him back.  He’d shown fidelity to my soul.  Could I show the same to his?  If so, how?

      Because I’m even more stubborn than he is, because I was raised to be more curious than fearful, because I loved him, the answers were, respectively, yes, and I’d figure it out.  

      Keep in mind that two very important internal motivations spurred me on.  One was my commitment to not letting the bad parts or bad people of my childhood win.  They’d stolen from me then, but they would not steal from me now.  The second was from the best legacy of my childhood, which was being raised by imaginative, curious parents, who believed that learning could solve almost anything.   

    I’d learned more about who I was.  I could learn more about dogs.   

Hiding won't help, will it?

    I’ll pause for a moment here, and say that if this seems like a large emotional journey to be led by a labrador retriever puppy, I don’t consider that at all abnormal.  We learn the best stuff of our lives through relationship.  Friends, family, lovers, animals both wild and domestic that we stand in relationship with all teach us how to be human, and we need all of that, because being human is a complex task which we’re just beginning to get a handle on.  Our intense, immense nervous systems have evolved  in ways that are sometimes beyond our capacity to manage, unless we make it conscious, and then make a conscious effort to deal.

      Steve had my back, and I couldn’t let him freeze in the waters of my difficult past.  And I owed something to the puppy who had already taught me something important about love.  

     That Saturday, without telling Steve what I was doing, I went to Bill’s house to bring her home.  

    I  followed Bill down to the part of his basement where the puppies stayed. I told him I’d found some good allergy pills, and if it was okay, I’d take the puppy back, because Steve was feeling awful about letting her go.  He looked perplexed, but amenable.  He still had five, one of them our unnamed puppy, and as I hovered in the entrance to their room, I wondered if I’d be able to pick her out from this glump of puppydom.

     Bill opened the crate door and five black furballs poured out, tumbling over the floor and each other. They all ran toward Bill except one, who broke from the others and came trotting over to me.  She had an air of happy alertness, and she seemed glad to see me, as if she’d had a nice little visit with her siblings, but was ready to go home now.  I knelt down and she fumbled her way into my lap, licking my face.   

    I didn’t have to worry at all about finding her.  Just like the first time, she had found me.

      If you need a story about love and finding a home and all that, you can try my novel, Something Unpredictable.   If you need some homecoming food, try the recipe below.  

COMING HOME PASTINA

   This is a dish I usually keep pretty plain, for those nights when I want to really come home to the best part of my childhood.  When I’m feeling like moving into the more adult part of my life, I’ll use the Optional Add-Ins, and sometimes substitute Orzo for pastina, because you know the rule:  PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!

Mmm.  Pastina

   1 cup pastina

   3 cups water

   1 small package frozen spinach

    Salt and pepper to taste

   1 tablespoon butter

ADD-IN OPTIONS  

fresh grated locatelli romano cheese

capers

dried cranberries

leftover cooked chicken, diced

parsley

garlic

   

Put the spinach in a pot with the water, and get it boiling. Let it thaw out for about five minutes.  Add the pastina, some salt and pepper, and let it boil for maybe another ten minutes.  Keep an eye on it, to make sure it doesn’t overcook. Turn the heat down real low and add the butter, and any of the other options that appeal to you.  Or make up some of your own.  You're human.  You can deal with complexity, right?